I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
