We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
