I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
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