we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
