i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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