i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
