I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
