i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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