So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
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Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
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Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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