i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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