Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
