puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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