bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
