I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
