Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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