I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
