Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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