While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
