I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
