Taylor Swift is so right about you.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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