Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
