six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I supernannyed him into submission
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
