If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
