I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
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You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
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"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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