The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
