so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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