Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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