I think I am morally bankrupt
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
