Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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