my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
