I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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