If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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