I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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