butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
