So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
