Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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