Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
