apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
