I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You ruined the universe
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
