Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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