my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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