I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
