Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize