I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
