I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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