So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
