I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
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I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
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I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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