I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize