I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I think I won the penis lottery.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Randomize
