I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
