No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
