remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
