I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
