hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
