he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
