No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
