Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
