Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I puked a lego.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
