I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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