Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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