I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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